Be a Legit, Plastic Ken, not a Recyclable Wannabe

As I lay on my bed, sick and weary, I cannot help but notice my body and hair becoming nothing short of dreary.  With every second that passes by comes a cough, a sneeze, a wheeze, and with them puffs away my sanity.  But I’m on the right track and I’m feeling somewhat better (despite my raspy Lindsey Lohan voice); after all, we were born to survive. Thanks Lady G for birthing an astonishing music video that totally made up for my lame bedridden days, and for using the word “mitosis.”

To cheer my nasty contagious body up I’ve engaged in watching videos and whatnot on my laptop, like Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” music video. Oh, the 90’s. Oh, Jonathan.

Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” music video, 1997
Universal Music (Denmark) A/S

Okay, you’re all probably wondering what my problem is to start watching old random music videos…but it’s whatever. The important thing is that the video should force guys all around the world to realize an utterly important fact: never, ever try to come off as a Ken doll if you fail to possess style. And, it shows how fake people are unattractive, so don’t be fake. Thank you.

So, I’ll focus on Rene since he plays as Ken, and I’ll just ignore the other two guys, Soren and Claus. While they have cool names (not really), their hair/suits look worse than my runny nose.

1. Um, you’re bald, with like, some random stripes of hair. You look like a reject wannabe zebra and belong in the ugly zoo. (Lame joke, but really, it’s difficult to make fun of something that makes fun of itself). Grow some hair and whirl it into a majestic style, or just embrace the shiny bald head look.
2. Seriously, that “suit” looks like it’s made of 100% unnatural material, kind of like your personality and desire to get with wannabe Barbie. Please don’t wear those earrings either, especially when wearing that, or any, suit. 
3. Please get a tan and throw away the make up.
4. Get some plastic surgery or something to accentiate what little features you have, because you’re faaaar from being plastic. With that body and “style”, you’re just recyclable, not permanent, plastic. And that’s fake; so unattractive.
5. Don’t call anyone your “bimbo friend” or say “hanky-panky.” I don’t think an explanation is needed.

If you still have any doubts that this fool fails to be a real Ken, just look at the fact that Barbie wasn’t even blonde, and that he’s zebra-print bald – they’re obvious fake wannabe plastics. So, if aiming to live the life of a Ken doll, disregard this video and just follow the style tips on my blog, obviously. ;)

Thanks, have fun and be safe; the plastic world can be tuff, so I’ve heard.

Yours truly,

J’Ochart.

One thought on “Be a Legit, Plastic Ken, not a Recyclable Wannabe

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